Everything is Pointless

It’s been a rough weekend. My mood has changed about 47 times. Now I feel as though everything is pointless and repetitive.

I need to do the same things I should’ve done last week (catch up on laundry, go grocery shopping, submit paperwork for my job, on and on) and the thought of doing them still makes me want to hide under the covers.

I have the same goals I’ve had for years–eat better, take care of myself physically, work on CBT and DBT skills, exercise, organize my living space–and I haven’t managed to accomplish them yet, so why should I believe I will now?

I put some photos on my computer that I took this weekend of my cats and new spring plants. It seems so tiring and meaningless. I’ll never be a really great photographer. No one cares about seeing my photos. I don’t even have much interest in learning to enhance them. Why do I even do it?

I looked at Pinterest for a few minutes, at my board of things I want to make, things I’ve wanted to make for months and still haven’t done. I’ll never do them, will I?

All my thoughts, feelings, and goals are the same thing over and over again. I’m not moving forward, and it’s only my fault. For some reason that thought doesn’t make me want to do anything about it. It just makes me want to give up and hide.

I’m so disgusted with myself and with life in general. I’m guessing this is major depressive disorder at work, but I don’t know how to get past it.

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One thought on “Everything is Pointless

  1. I think you should do something because you enjoy it not because you feel as though you have to do it for yourself or others. You could try thinking of photography as a hobby rather than a goal for the future so you don’t have to worry about other people seeing it or judging it as long as you like it and you enjoyed taking it, I mean maybe you could become a professional photographer but that’s for future you to decide right now just do what you feel comfortable doing and maybe, see about getting some help with your paperwork ❤

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