It’s been a rough weekend. My mood has changed about 47 times. Now I feel as though everything is pointless and repetitive.
I need to do the same things I should’ve done last week (catch up on laundry, go grocery shopping, submit paperwork for my job, on and on) and the thought of doing them still makes me want to hide under the covers.
I have the same goals I’ve had for years–eat better, take care of myself physically, work on CBT and DBT skills, exercise, organize my living space–and I haven’t managed to accomplish them yet, so why should I believe I will now?
I put some photos on my computer that I took this weekend of my cats and new spring plants. It seems so tiring and meaningless. I’ll never be a really great photographer. No one cares about seeing my photos. I don’t even have much interest in learning to enhance them. Why do I even do it?
I looked at Pinterest for a few minutes, at my board of things I want to make, things I’ve wanted to make for months and still haven’t done. I’ll never do them, will I?
All my thoughts, feelings, and goals are the same thing over and over again. I’m not moving forward, and it’s only my fault. For some reason that thought doesn’t make me want to do anything about it. It just makes me want to give up and hide.
I’m so disgusted with myself and with life in general. I’m guessing this is major depressive disorder at work, but I don’t know how to get past it.