Uneasiness

I’m really just writing this right now because I feel anxious and uneasy. I had coffee today, which is unusual for me. I love coffee but rarely drink it because wellbutrin plus too much caffeine makes me agitated.

Also, my mom has here for the past three weeks and has to go home tomorrow. She is my best friend and my favorite person (tied with my husband). Life has been so much better with her here. The constant body pain is easier to deal with when I have her company. Plus she’s been doing a lot of the things I normally do, like cleaning the litter boxes and washing dishes, which saves me energy and keeps my pain level down. Even small things like her getting up to grab me a drink helps when everything aches. She has been buying groceries and gas, too. Even if she didn’t do any of those things, I’m happier overall when I’m around her.

I wish very badly that she could stay longer, but she misses my step-dad. Plus she has chickens, a garden, and other things that he can’t take care of forever without her there. Anyway, I hate saying goodbye to her soooo much. I always get a sense of dread and impending doom the day before we part ways.

It’s been almost nine hours since the one cup of coffee I had so I bet at this point my anxiety is just about Mom leaving. I had a cup of Sleepytime tea and tried knitting for a bit. Now we’re watching Mary Poppins.

I’m annoyed with myself because I’m cognizant of the fact that I’m going to feel weird until several hours after she’s gone, but I am still fighting and resisting the emotions.

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